I See You …

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I considered ignoring you’re continued harassment for the sake of turning the other cheek and taking the higher road.  When I received your “comment”, I was admittedly taken aback that someone would attack in such a vile, disrespectful and unrelated way after I had written about the heart breaking loss of such a unique, powerful and special teacher, as was “Cricket”.  Then, I considered that you have no boundaries.  I considered that those that are hurting, try to hurt others in equal measure.  You sit behind a screen and “arm chair quarterback” from where it’s “safe”.  Those who choose to attack, harass and bully from behind a hidden identity are usually the ones that have the most personal work to do.  Even as you read what I’ve just written, you are denying vehemently that you have any personal work or growth that needs addressed.  As I sat with your words, spewed like bile from an empty stomach after getting gut punched, I considered that the higher road is, in actuality, hitting head on, that which you are so threatened by, ME!

In staying true to my “God (you should capitalize His name, f.y.i.) fearing, Bible (again, should be capitalized) worshiping saint” – persona, my job as a believer is to love you.  I am called to love my enemies, to love those that are hurting & less fortunate in any way shape or form and to share the Good News that Jesus died for me and He died for YOU.  The higher road isn’t in ignoring those that are hurting rather it’s in looking them in the eye, even if in this case it’s through words on a screen, and saying, “I see you.”  It’s in saying, “I hear the pain that is behind your attacks and I … see … you.”  I can only imagine how your blood must be boiling right now!  Lol!  Is this offensive to you?  I would ask you to take a deep breath and feel into that anger, that rage, where is it rooted?  When you feel into your body, where do you feel it?  If you could give it a voice, what would it say?

I’ll tell ya, I don’t “horse whisper” and I’ve never met anyone that did.  Those that claim to “horse whisper” are usually full of shit!  I have met those and worked with those that are masterful at supporting horses in learning new things, quickly.  The horses that come to me are generally, like you, pissed off, jaded and willing to play pretty dirty to get their point and opinion across to whomever it is that is working with them.  I thrive in this setting!  You see I don’t do what they expect.  Horses know what happens before what happens, happens.  Much like hurting people who attack first before they can be hurt in any way, horses will one up ya if they think they know what’s coming.  I don’t play by the traditional rule book.  Horses are willing to offer more when I am respectful of their opinions and instead of blowing through their thresholds I simply show them, what I can verbalize to you, which is, “I see you.”  We have a nickname for what is I do, however it’s not appropriate to say here.  Suffice to say, I shift horses perspectives and I shift humans perspectives.  Call it what you will however “horse whispering” is pretty stupid (people know you have no idea what you’re talking about when you use that “terminology”).

Speaking of pretty stupid, the word “Trollop” is a new one!  Lol!  Call a whore, a whore, or a hooker, a hooker, or a slut, a slut, “trollop”?  I mean really!?!  Lol!  That’s just dumb!  For starters having “many casual sexual encounters and/or relationships” calls for far more time and energy than I have to expend.  I cannot imagine trying to juggle “many casual sexual encounters and/or relationships” with two kids, all their activities, my work down in New Mexico along with what I have going on here in Colorado not to mention, I’m pretty sure I would need to be “social” in some way to even meet people that would be willing to be part of a trollop’s reality.  I don’t even have time for casual friendships!  Lol!  I appreciate the good laugh for sure and a new word for my vocabulary that has already been used in inside jokes repeatedly since your message.

My husband and my kids are, in my book, off limits.  That further shows your lack of boundaries, and in case you were unaware, I have a horse for that!  1200 pounds has a way of teaching what boundaries are and how to maintain them like nothing I’ve ever seen.  I can only pray that at some point in your life, you are in some way, in relationship with someone as genuine, loving, give-you-the-shirt-off-his-back and his bank account number to make sure you and your family are fed, kind of person as my husband is.  I can’t imagine he’d ever be okay with sitting still and not working hard, even if he had a sugar mama to provide for his every whim!  He’s just that kind of guy.  I adore him not for his work ethic or paycheck rather for the heart that beats in his big ol’ chest!  You see, he saw me, when I was broken into a million pieces and he loves me even with all my pieces put back together differently.

My ‘wasband’ didn’t kick me to the curb.  That’s another part of your story that you’ve recorded inaccurately.  I bolted out of that marriage!  I ran for my life!  He may have filed for divorce directly after my exit however I was the one that left.  I wouldn’t be on this planet for you to harass had I not found the courage to get out of that abusive relationship.  And should my husband “tire of me and my bull crap (whatever that is – hard to be a bullshitter and a straight shooter – my upfront, straightforwardness is what people expect and appreciate about me)” then I suppose that would be between him and I.  The difference in our relationship and that of so many others is, we don’t need each other, we want each other.  I want him in my life, he wants me in his life.  I don’t have to have him in my life (need) nor does he have to have (need) me in his life.  It’s that part of our relationship that is so beautiful, that part where there are no fences confining our souls, there are no rules and expectations that bind and tether our hearts, there is wide open, wild and free space to roam together, even when we’re apart.

I encourage you to begin looking within.  I encourage you to begin digging around and excavating.  What is it about me that intimidates and causes you to become defensive, lashing out and attacking?  This isn’t about me or what you believe to be true about me.  This is about you and what it is that you are struggling to come to terms with in your own heart.  I have a horse for that and I will go so far as to offer you a coaching session on me.  If you decide that you are ready to look at the unfinished business in your background and begin to heal it, my gate is open to you.  My horses and I are available to support you in peering into the deep, dark recesses of your life, exposing them to light, applying healing salve to the those wounds and shifting the trajectory of your life toward more positive interactions and outcomes.  You know where to find me.

“You are powerful, beautiful, brilliant & brave” ❤