My commentator is baaaack! It’s been a while. The latest “comment” or rather, rant, was with regards to the letter I wrote to a once close friend though I’m not sure what the comment had to do with what I’d written. In that particular blog a couple weeks ago, I was talking about how taking offense happens and how the decision to forgive isn’t an easy one. Apparently, I hit a chord in the commentator and this person couldn’t help but set up yet another bogus email address so they could spout off about those things with which there is no basis. The comment, “Jackie Young” at YoungJ12345@yahoo.com left said, “Always the victim. The common denominator in all your issues is you (ummmm … well, I am writing from my own first person experiences, so yes, I would be the common denominator within those particular issues I choose to write about.). But you will never admit this because you are too wrapped up in making everything someone else’s fault and never accepting you might be the one responsible. There is a reason you do not have friends (So, actually, I do, though I’m very, very, particular and dare I say, cautious, about who is in my tribe … a group of salty cowgirl types that share my language!). People can only handle someone who is a liar, and a cheater and, well, a bitch, for so long (Agreed, though you must be mistaking me for someone else you “know”?).”
I have PG responses and then there are the R rated responses. That fighting side of me laughs an evil laugh that says, “You poor, fool! You have no idea the fire you are playing with.”
The other side of me says, “You poor, soul … so tangled up in your own unfinished business that your defenses and pre-programmed way of operating is clouding your vision as you overlay your own “stuff” onto me.”
We all have two sides to us. The side we want everyone else to see (think social media – puke) and the “dark side”, our underbelly, that we don’t want anyone to see! I shared the letter I’d written, not to play the victim or to blame someone else for anything. I shared that letter as a way of helping myself get more clear around something I’ve had little to no closure around. You see, every time I see that person out “checking” their cattle on our property, what rises up in me is ugly! It feels like an invasion of my space when the person willing to write me off feels that it is in some way, shape or form, appropriate to be on our property! There is no lease agreement (that I know of), no payment for grazing fees (that I am aware of), nothing that gives them any sort of right to be here other than, their cattle have yet to be moved off our land, period. As a high Introvert, I have tendencies toward being territorial and the idea that another person who’s chosen to hurt my heart, is brazen enough to rub my nose in that, is something that gets my blood boiling! I don’t like feeling that way and as a believer, I am called to so very much more which includes, forgiveness.
So, as I asked that taunting side of my underbelly to go take a nap, I laughed to myself knowing that once again, the commentator is desperately attempting to hurt me the way they hurt. I considered my options. What’s so amazing about the work I do with the horses and clients is the borrowed benefit. I learn so much about myself as clients sort through their own personal work! This is what makes group work really powerful! The borrowed benefit for everyone can be life changing. I am a student of the Bible and I know that there is a lesson in this that God is sharing with me so long as I have ears to hear. And so, I thought about what I wanted to do with “The Comment” and how was I going to choose to handle it.
To call someone names whom you don’t know personally and intimately is childish at best. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am not a liar. As a matter of fact, I can’t lie to save myself. Tried it on a time or two as a kid, there were, shall we say, “repercussions” and bottom line, I HATE being in trouble! Not all of us have the same talents, right!?! Lol! I also know, I am not a cheater. I have had ample opportunity over the years to cheat in numerous areas of life and for me, cheating requires lying which I’ve already shared, I’m terrible at, so cheating has never fit. Now, am I a bitch? I suppose that depends upon your definition of what that is to you. We all define things differently and so though there are generalized ideas around what it means to be this type of person, the root of how the commentator defines this may be different from how I define it.
Here’s what I can say, I hold hard and fast to the boundaries I have set and for the most part, I am unwavering when it comes to this. Some might say that makes me a bitch. Once I’ve had my heart bruised up and broken over and over and over again by an individual, I write them off. As in, I’m done, period. That may make me a bitch to some. I will speak directly and in a direct manner. I have no use for beating around the bush or sugar coating things and so in my daily dealings, I will interact with others in the same way I appreciate them interacting with me. People in general, tend to prefer someone who communicates their truths gingerly, cautiously and sugary. After all, we don’t want to upset anyone or hurt anyone’s feelings. In my world, speaking the truth is showing love. Being honest and sharing what’s coming up for me is a way of showing love and respect for others. If I speak intending on hurting someone, then I need to get myself in check, however if speaking what’s true for me unintentionally hurts someone else, that is their responsibility for how they are feeling, not mine. And yes, that may make me a bitch in people’s eyes. Life is short and I choose to move through it with deep gratitude, joy and peace and I make no bones about where I stand.
Until a person begins to look at their own, personal unfinished business (those things from their past that come up and taint the way they see and experience the world) they will overlay that “stuff” onto others in their dealings and interactions. We are the sum total of our experiences in our lives and how we react to current experiences can be shaped and clouded by things in our past that have required some sort of defense and strategy to step in to “protect” us. Until this is brought into our awareness, we continue running amuck attacking others and spewing our venom all over the place, often times wondering why we’ve acted a certain way, again. I encourage you, I encourage the commentator, to get quiet with yourself, feel into those emotions that come up for you regularly and ask yourself, “Where is this rooted? Where do I feel this in my body?” The answer may surprise you. And, if your curiosity so inclines you to do more investigating, head over to my website to learn a bit more about what the horses and I do.
“YOU are powerful, beautiful, brilliant & brave” ❤