Part of healing is often either re-establishing or establishing one’s voice. I’m not sure I have ever had much of a voice. On a scale of 0-10 I am a 9I (introvert). Speaking isn’t necessarily something I’ve made much of a habit of! Lol! I’ve been accused of being a snob, thinking I’m better than others, of being rude, stuck up, blah, blah, blah … none of which is true or at least not for me. I tend to sit back, listen intently to what others are saying to me and around me. I take in my surroundings and observe from a distance all the while processing and considering what’s flowing in and out of my thoughts. As I began to write a couple years ago, what started out as a somewhat meek voice within this platform has grown stronger and bolder. That part of my voice, though not literally physically vocal, has begun to gain footing and gotten stronger over time as I’ve exercised it. My literal physical voice has remained fairly mute ….. up until now.
I was listening to the soothing sound of my geldings munch on their breakfast as I mucked their pens in the early morning hours when my phone rang. I had some time before the kids began showing up and so I decided to go ahead and answer the call. I stood in the warming New Mexico sun as the voice on the other end of the line explained that I’d been chosen to participate in a podcast interview. GULP!!! Though I was listening intently to what was being said, I could feel my throat trying to tighten and my little introverted self scream, “NOOOOOOO!!!” As I agreed to participate, I felt my little inner introvert faint! This was waaaaaay outside of our comfort zone!!! I was fanning my little introvert and waving smelling salts under her nose when the kids arrived.
As the scheduled date and time drew near, I worried about how I may or may not convey my message and I began to question myself, thinking, “Honestly, what is my message anyway?” I’ve not done any “public” speaking outside of a speech class my freshman year of college. My head was so jumbled up with what I wanted to share that it felt as if everything was tied in a knotted mess! I had listened to a few of the interviews that had been recorded by fellow coaches and each one was so well thought out and presented. I was sure I’d fall flat on my face, after all, I’m terrible at answering things on the fly. My little inner introvert began to bang loudly on the door yelling, “Cancel! For the love of everything sacred and quiet, cancel the thing!!!”
The day arrived and after a brief discussion to get to know me, Chris Angell of Groundswell counted down and the interview began. He would ask a question and my mind would speed 100 miles ahead of my mouth. I could hear my little inner introvert moan as I stumbled over my words, “You know we need time to chew on and process things before answering!”, she’d say as she slapped her hand over her face. Chris would smile an encouraging smile and ask a new question and my mind laughed as it out ran my mouth, again. It was like a cruel game of tag through the dark woods. Then it happened! We got disconnected! I’m sure it was on my end. Our DSL is terrible and the tiny east coast company that is our service provider out here doesn’t seem to care since they’re the only show in town … for miles! As I searched my computer for the issue at hand, my little inner introvert wiped the sweat from her brow saying, “Thank goodness that’s over with! Don’t ever do that to us again!” And then the connection came back. “We’ll start again where we left off,” he said, “My team should be able to patch this together without much issue.” My little introvert fainted … again …
That night I played, replayed and magnified the interview in my head. I hardly slept thinking about what a terrible job I’d done. Chris had been such a gracious host and interviewer and I had been a stammering, stuttering, can’t answer a question thoroughly interviewee. I sent an email the next morning explaining how I felt and asking if I could have a do-over if the patching together didn’t go well. I figured if it patched together well, then I’d swallow hard and deal with it. If, however, it didn’t patch together well then maybe I could reschedule and try again. My little inner introvert was wide eyed in disbelief, “I can’t believe you would put us through that again!“, she cried out!
The best way to reach people is to meet them right where they are at. For some that is through writing, for others it’s through video and yet others it’s audio. It may be through social media, email or snail mail. As I calm my little inner introvert each time I do something waaaaay outside our comfort zone, I remind her that I have a story to tell and hope and encouragement to offer others. I cannot do that by remaining quiet on the sidelines observing without speaking. The EGC work is life altering! It can dramatically shift the trajectory of your life! I pray that in some way, this interview encourages you.
To learn more about the horses and me, you can go to:
And keep a lookout, as my website will be shifting and changing to better capture the work I do. I’m so much more than a specialist in healing from narcissistic partnerships.
“You are powerful, beautiful, brilliant & brave” ❤