You may be fortunate to have never been married to a covert narcissist. And it is VERY fortunate! However, you have likely had a run in with one at some point in your life. It may be a parent, a sibling, a teacher, a co-worker or even a so called “friend.” They are rampant in our population and our society rewards their cut throat, wily, conniving ways. So, though my focus is on sharing what I have learned about narcissism through my own experiences and research as well as what I have learned and experienced through the process of healing my deep, oozing, wounds inflicted by a narcissistic partner, the damage they cause is widespread and can come from anywhere.
I shared about the constant re-traumatization that my kids and I experience and how utterly exhausting it is. I want to share something with you that was intended to be a personal attack. It was meant to belittle me, to drive me to lash out and feel the pain that my ‘wasband’ loves to inflict however, it had quite the opposite effect on me. There has been … how do I say this … a lot more “communication” as of late. He operates like clockwork and spools up certain times of the year. I know to expect it just as I expect that winter will give way to spring (eventually … Lol!). He will do a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g to avoid paying what is due (and I’ll leave it at that). When I hit a nerve in him with the truth, he will invariably strike back with personal attacks and outright ugliness. Here is what he closed one of his emails out with:
“I’m tired of your games. Im tired of you picking and choosing what orders from the court you feel like following. Contrary to what you continually lie about on your little blog, my best interests are our children. So…go ahead and twist this response to however you choose…I know you need to drum up business and sympathy somehow. Your slander and defamation of me only reflects poorly on you.”
So while I regain my composure from laughing so hard let me say, this is ridiculously hilarious to me! Not to mention, I feel like he wanted me to share it with all of y’all who read my “little blogs“! I mean he says so, ” … go ahead and twist this response to however you choose …” Oh my goodness, seriously … I need a minute to get myself together … hold please while I wipe the laugh-cry tears out of my eyes! This is almost as good as when he had his partner compose an email for him to send me and I knew right away it wasn’t from him directly when I read things like, ” …I apologize for accusing you … I can see how what I wrote to you would, rightfully, put you on the defensive … of which none is your fault … of which isn’t any of my business anyway …” Seriously, he NEVER apologized, owned any responsibility for his actions or EVER claimed something wasn’t my fault over the course of the 24 years I’ve known him! OH MY GOODNESS!!! I seriously need to catch my breath for a minute!
My laughter is a genuine response that has taken time … a lot of time to come to. It is some of the light that can be at the end of your tunnel! What begins to happen as you find clarity through understanding is that the “attacks” don’t get to you anymore. There is true humor in the attempts made. Narcissists are incapable of seeing that what they project onto others, is actually all their own crap! Everything he tried to pin on me is actually all his to own! What you can read in between the lines of his attempt at attacking me is the insecurity that is the root of his fearful, paranoid existence. Narcissists are deeply insecure and terrified that others might uncover the truth of who they actually are under their well rehearsed persona, that mardi gras mask elaborately embellished with brightly painted designs, feathers, glitter and bling, meant to distract from who’s behind it!
The best part of his whole rant is the fact that he’s reading my “little blogs“! I’m not sure I’m honored, humbled or really even care other than for the fact that I now know … ready for this ….. I’M IN HIS HEAD!!! LOL! That – Is – Awesome!!! He spent far too many years in my head intimidating and abusing me with his threats, lies and accusations without ever paying rent for that space and now that he’s been evicted, it seems as though sweet justice has been served!
No matter your walk in life, there is light at the end of your tunnel. That light is in laughing (truly finding humor) over something that was intended to cause pain. That light is in smiling every day, even when it’s a rough one. That light is in putting one foot in front of the other as we leave the old behind and trek along a path that’s new. That light is in finding happiness on the gloomiest days and dancing in the eye of the hurricane. That light is taking that first, second, and third step, gaining momentum as we chase after the life we truly deserve and desire! That light is in healing our wounds and battle scars so that we thrive!
I’m not one for MSU (making shit up) or “drumming up business and sympathy“. I write what I write one, to continue to process my own journey and two, because I want you to know, you aren’t alone. I felt so very alone as I began learning what I had been married to and facing Goliath in the form of divorce and recovery. I felt stupid, ignorant, naive, embarrassed … you name it. What I didn’t know was that my situation was and is anything but unique. I would like to think that you might find comfort in knowing, you aren’t alone on your path.
Learn more about what my horses and I can offer you. Our website is: http://untetheredhearts.com .
There is light at the end of your tunnel, no matter what that tunnel is comprised of.
“You are powerful, beautiful, brilliant and brave” ❤